7 crazy uses for a foot massager

foot massager
Where will you use yours?
The bubbling bath of bliss commonly known as the foot massager is truly misunderstood.

When it isn’t massaging the soles of aching feet, it tends to get stored away in dark cupboards or forgotten about. Especially in those households low on imagination.

If only they knew what a foot massager could really do …

1. Hamster jacuzzi

Most hamsters are on the verge of insanity after running around a wheel that never gets them anywhere, so their own hamster jacuzzi would be welcome relief. Let’s hear it for the furry fellas.

2. Automatic vegetable washer

Next up it’s time for some vegetable love. Forget scrubbing the mud off your spuds and carrots, simply pop them in the foot massager and ten minutes later they’ll be spotless.

3. The sounds of the Amazon – portable atmosphere enhancer

Drown out the sounds of traffic and neighbours with the amazing portable atmosphere enhancer. Just fill it up with water, close your eyes and hear the rushing torrents of the Amazon right in your living room.

4. Cream whipper

Whipping cream can be hard work and lets face it — only losers spend 20 minutes whipping. Simply bring out the foot massager and fill it with the white stuff and you’ll have your dream cream in no time. Try it with cake mix too!

5. Luxury egg boiler

Would an egg taste better if it was allowed to relax a bit before being boiled slowly in a foot massager? Only one way to find out.

6. Aqua bingo machine

Water aerobics and bingo have a huge following with the fairer sex; well guess what, the two can now be combined for ultimate fun. Just fill up the foot massager with tiny inflatable bingo balls, wait for it to mix them all up under water and let aqua bingo commence. Eyes down …

7. Goldfish trainer

Let’s face it, goldfish are bone idle. They just doss about in the same small bowl and have become so lazy that they can’t even remember what they were doing five minutes ago. It’s time to bring out the foot massager and get those fish really swimming.

Five cheeky places to use a foot massager

foot massager
Where will you use yours?
There’s nothing more satisfying after a hard day’s graft, than to take off your shoes and put your pinkies inside the gurgle pleasure dome – known as the foot massager.

Just lay back and give in to the mini foot jacuzzi in the comfort of your own home. Oh … if only you could take your foot massager everywhere with you. Well, hold on just a bubbly minute because you can. It might be a little cheeky to start up the gurgle machine sometimes, but you won’t know til you try.

Here’s a few suggestions to get you started, and remember: where’s there’s a plug, there could be a gurgle.


The citadel of Shhhhh, the library is the place where quietness lives. Mobile phones must be turned off, voices lowered and foot massagers … well, it says nothing about foot massagers in the library rules. So, find yourself a nice book to read and go and plug-in somewhere out of the way behind a large bookshelf. Stay away from the children’s section though as the nippers tend to think it’s a paddling pool and all hell breaks loose.


Window seat. Packed lunch. Flask of tea. Feet massaged all the way to Birmingham New Street. The perfect way to see the English countryside. What’s more, with all the screaming kids, Tannoy announcements and general chaos of economy, nobody will notice your sweet gurgling friend.


It’s great going to the cinema ain’t it? You can’t beat the big screen, popcorn and Dolby digital sound. In fact that sound is so loud these days that nobody will notice the hurge-gurgle coming from under your chair, or will they? They might hear a gentle splashing of water when there’s an intense love scene, but they won’t question it for fear of looking silly. And if Titanic is showing, you’ll only add to the atmosphere.


This obviously depends on what job you do. And if you have a plug by your feet. The office is a winner, but try not to fall asleep when you’re on the phone to somebody important. If you’re a pilot you’re good to plug in at 25,000ft and receptionists all over the world should plug in, relax and smile.


Ever tried group foot massaging? Didn’t think so. Well it’s easy. Go to your favourite nightclub with your friends. Order loads of drinks, conquer a table and plug-in all night long baby. For the rest of the night you’re free to dance, be merry and take turns to have a go with the foot massager. With the right type of music and atmosphere, the foot massager will blow your mind.