Unconventional uses for snow chains

Snow chains
Image source: Kasim
The conventional way to use snow chains

Winter can take us by surprise with it’s freezing snow blizzards and unsociable behaviour, but not if you’re prepared.

Oh yes! If you’re properly kitted out with Arctic clothing and you’ve fixed snow chains on to your car, you’ll take deep snow in your stride.

Trouble is, it’s very mild this year in the U.K and there’s not a snowflake in sight. Time to get creative with those snow chains, folks.

Luggage security

Suitcase lock
Image source: Djumandji
Protect your possessions with snow chains

If you’re going somewhere nice or just going somewhere on public transport make sure your valuables are well protected, by attaching snow chains around your suitcase.

Also requires a padlock and some muscles to lift the luggage afterwards.

Hanging plant holder

Hanging Basket
Image source: Petacares
Snow chains make strong hanging baskets

An exotic plant can really bring a room to life especially if it’s potted in a hanging basket.

Just be aware that if your going to plant a giant beast from the Amazon in your bathroom, you’ll need a hardcore hanging basket.

Fancy dress – Mr T

Mr T
Image source: Everett Collection / Shutterstock.com
I pity the fool…

If you’re going to a fancy dress party as Mr T, don’t wimp out on plastic chains sprayed gold. Go for the real deal and carefully wrap those snow chains around your shoulders.

By the time you return home, your muscles will be twice the size of Mr T’s after carrying the weight of snow chains all night.

Dog Armour

Protect your little terrier from aggro dogs with super strong dog armour. Just wrap around any mongrel and if he doesn’t scare off other dogs with all his bling, he’ll break their teeth when they try to bite him.

Careful with this one though as we’d like to say, “no animals were harmed in this blog”.

Emergency Fencing

Something a bit more serious after robo-mongrel. If you’re ever in need of a bit of fencing or need a temporary barrier to block your driveway, just attach some snow chains together.

Your new trusty chain blockade will stop any unwanted escapes or intrusions.

Exercise Equipment

Is your New Years resolution to get fit? Well, forget spending all your cash on workout videos and gym subscriptions. Simply fill two sturdy bags with snow chains and lift them up a lot.

Keep up the good work until Spring and you’ll have a body ready for the beach in Summer.

7 crazy uses for a foot massager

Foot massager
Foot massagers have so much to offer

The bubbling bath of bliss commonly known as the foot massager is truly misunderstood.

When it isn’t massaging the soles of aching feet, it tends to get stored away in dark cupboards or forgotten about. Especially in those households low on imagination.

If only they knew what a foot massager could really do …

1. Hamster jacuzzi

Most hamsters are on the verge of insanity after running around a wheel that never gets them anywhere, so their own hamster jacuzzi would be welcome relief. Let’s hear it for the furry fellas.

foot massager for hamsters
Relief for your furry fella

2. Automatic vegetable washer

Next up it’s time for some vegetable love. Forget scrubbing the mud off your spuds and carrots, simply pop them in the foot massager and ten minutes later they’ll be spotless.

3. The sounds of the Amazon – portable atmosphere enhancer

Drown out the sounds of traffic and neighbours with the amazing portable atmosphere enhancer. Just fill it up with water, close your eyes and hear the rushing torrents of the Amazon right in your living room.

foot massager atmosphere
Amazonian atmosphere

4. Cream whipper

Whipping cream can be hard work and lets face it — only losers spend 20 minutes whipping. Simply bring out the foot massager and fill it with the white stuff and you’ll have your dream cream in no time. Try it with cake mix too!

5. Luxury egg boiler

Would an egg taste better if it was allowed to relax a bit before being boiled slowly in a foot massager? Only one way to find out.

egg massage
Massage your egg to perfection

6. Aqua bingo machine

Water aerobics and bingo have a huge following with the fairer sex; well guess what, the two can now be combined for ultimate fun. Just fill up the foot massager with tiny inflatable bingo balls, wait for it to mix them all up under water and let aqua bingo commence. Eyes down …

7. Goldfish trainer

Let’s face it, goldfish are bone idle. They just doss about in the same small bowl and have become so lazy that they can’t even remember what they were doing five minutes ago. It’s time to bring out the foot massager and get those fish really swimming.

Garden vacs and other machines that suck

Sinclair C5
Image source: The Guitar Mann
Not so fast! The Sinclair C5 was legally restricted to 15 mph

Some machines really suck (in a bad way) like the Sinclair C5 above, and then there’s the machines that really suck … suck stuff up in a good way, like the mega helpful garden vac.

Have a ponder at our collection of real bad suckers and the good ones too.

Dishwasher

Dishwasher
Image source: Yastremska
Dishwashers suck

You might be keeping up with the Joneses, but dishwashers suck! They take ages and you have to clean most of the dirty dishes before you put them inside anyway — hello!?

Dyson Vacuum Cleaner

Dyson vac
Image source: Axel Buerkert
Dyson vacuum cleaners suck

They look like something out of Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory, but Dyson’s vacuum cleaners will suck up everything in sight including your pets and children. Super sucker.

Onion Goggles

Onion goggles
Image source: Hemeroskopion
Onion goggles suck

No more tears when your cutting onions with these mad professor onion goggles. Yes, somebody did actually invent these. Real bad suckers.

Gobstoppers

Let’s not forget the trusty gobstopper machine, which for a couple of coins will always provide you with hours of sucking fun.

Road Sweeper

Opinion is divided on the road sweeper. Sure it cleans up the streets like your favourite superhero, but it also makes a hell of a racket in the morning. This one sucks good, but sucks.

Garden Vac

garden vacs
Garden vacs - our favourite suckers

Why brush when you can vac? It sucks all day long, mulches up leaves and will clean up your garden faster than you can say, “Is it autumn yet?” This baby’s our favourite sucker.

The Slipper Wearers 7 Steps to Getting High

After a hard day’s work, energy levels are low, stress levels are high and it’s suprisingly difficult to relax.

Avoid those evening couch comas, learn to replenish energy levels and eliminate stress by getting high the slipper wearer way.

Bubble bath
Step 1 - enjoy a hot bath

Step One

On arriving home get out of you work/day clothes and jump into the bath (or shower). Wash the day’s stresses out of your hair and then calm your mind by simply enjoying the hot water for a bit.

Slipper tip: It makes a huge difference to light a few candles if you’re having a bath.

Step Two

Next slip into your chilling out clothes — pyjamas, dressing gown, jogging bottoms — making sure you’re comfortable and warm.

Slipper tip: make sure that your work clothes are put away or ready for the next morning — now your mind can relax.

Slippers
Step 3 - savour the slipper feeling

Step Three

Okay, cherish this next step and really commit to it. Place your slippers on the floor. Then take a deep breath and close your eyes as you slowly place each foot into a luxurious leather slipper. Now savour that melting feeling.

Slipper tip: warm your slippers on the radiator and place a little talc inside.

Step Four

Now you’re feeling pretty high, so the next step is some food. Go cook yourself your favourite dish taking care not to rush and enjoy the ritual of cooking.

Slipper tip: add a glass of wine, beer or something you love to drink to your meal and really savour each mouthful.

Step Five

After dinner it’s time to get comfy in the lounge with your favourite dessert and the rest of the wine. Snuggle down into your favourite chair.

Slipper tip: place everything close by that you may require —TV remote, reading book, ipod etc.

incense sticks
Step 6 - soothe the senses

Step Six

Cherish the evening. Allow your senses to be massaged by the smell of incense, the ambient light, the book or film you’re involved with and the warmth of those faithful slippers.

Slipper tip: have a warm blanket and a few cushions close by.

Step Seven

Make sure you wake up feeling refreshed by not going to bed too late. Amble upstairs in your slippers and crawl into bed for a deep relaxing sleep.

Slipper tip: take off your slippers before getting into bed

Five cheeky places to use a foot massager

There’s nothing more satisfying after a hard day’s graft, than to take off your shoes and put your pinkies inside the gurgle pleasure dome – known as the foot massager.

Just lay back and give in to the mini foot jacuzzi in the comfort of your own home. Oh … if only you could take your foot massager everywhere with you. Well, hold on just a bubbly minute because you can. It might be a little cheeky to start up the gurgle machine sometimes, but you won’t know til you try.

Here’s a few suggestions to get you started, and remember: where’s there’s a plug, there could be a gurgle.

Photo by umjanedoan

Library

The citadel of Shhhhh, the library is the place where quietness lives. Mobile phones must be turned off, voices lowered and foot massagers … well, it says nothing about foot massagers in the library rules. So, find yourself a nice book to read and go and plug-in somewhere out of the way behind a large bookshelf. Stay away from the children’s section though as the nippers tend to think it’s a paddling pool and all hell breaks loose.

Photo by Charles Roffey

Train

Window seat. Packed lunch. Flask of tea. Feet massaged all the way to Birmingham New Street. The perfect way to see the English countryside. What’s more, with all the screaming kids, Tannoy announcements and general chaos of economy, nobody will notice your sweet gurgling friend.

 

Photo by Photocapy

Cinema

It’s great going to the cinema ain’t it? You can’t beat the big screen, popcorn and Dolby digital sound. In fact that sound is so loud these days that nobody will notice the hurge-gurgle coming from under your chair, or will they? They might hear a gentle splashing of water when there’s an intense love scene, but they won’t question it for fear of looking silly. And if Titanic is showing, you’ll only add to the atmosphere.

Photo by Sarah

Work

This obviously depends on what job you do. And if you have a plug by your feet. The office is a winner, but try not to fall asleep when you’re on the phone to somebody important. If you’re a pilot you’re good to plug in at 25,000ft and receptionists all over the world should plug in, relax and smile.

 

Photo by sharyn morrow

Nightclub

Ever tried group foot massaging? Didn’t think so. Well it’s easy. Go to your favourite nightclub with your friends. Order loads of drinks, conquer a table and plug-in all night long baby. For the rest of the night you’re free to dance, be merry and take turns to have a go with the foot massager. With the right type of music and atmosphere, the foot massager will blow your mind.

Halogen ovens and other cool halogen stuff

Halogen has sneaked into our vocabulary without anybody noticing and suddenly there’s a whole host of very cool halogen products about.

Well actually they’re a lot hotter than the competition. Halogen products contain halogens: a group of five highly reactive elements. And when one or more of these elements are exposed to certain things like inert gases, things get seriously heated. Meaning there’s some great halogen products out there to light the way.

Clifford James Halogen Oven

Halogen oven

Imagine a product that could roast a chicken in 20 minutes, grill your food golden brown, take up as much space as a blender and save energy too. The halogen oven is exactly that. The oven is a large Pyrex-type bowl with a lid housing an halogen element and fan. Inside a circular filament certain halogens are mixed with an inert gas to produce instant, intense heat. A brilliant innovation, which is revolutionizing the way we cook food.

Photo by Meghana Kulkarni

Halogen Vehicle

The halogen powered car hasn’t been invented yet (maybe one for the future), but there’s few things out there that use halogen lights to light up those dark nights. With increased night-vision and safety, halogen lights are the bright future for cyclists. Powered by a rechargeable battery or dynamo, a small halogen light the size of a Walnut Whip can produce serious light.

Photo by Alan

Halogen heater

If a halogen oven can roast a chicken in 20 minutes then it’s no surprise halogen heaters like it hot. As air passes through the heater’s oscillating system it is instantly heated and propelled in a broad arc around the room. Halogen heaters produce more heat quicker and distribute the hot air evenly around a room. They tend to be more expensive than other portable heaters, but they come with increased durability and safety features and are cost effective in the long run.

Photo by Thomas Mathie

Halogen torch
Everybody loves a torch, but make sure you have the brightest torch in the village and get yourself a halogen torch. Light up the whole forest, redirect air-traffic and lead all your friends into the darkest places in the world (if you can be bothered). Some of these are brighter than 10million candles. Wow!

 

Photo by F. A Fruitbasket

Halogen security spotlight

Everybody wants a halogen gadget, so make sure yours are well protected with the halogen security spotlights. If anything bigger than a mole moves past your cabbage patch, they’ll be bathed or melted by a light so bright they’ll think the sun has come up early. If you’re going to do it right, then do it halogen. It’s time to see the light.

Why a simple mobile phone is good for your health

 

 

These days mobile phones have more gadgets on them than a stealth bomber; they’ll tell you the time in Honolulu, the temperature in a mouse’s ear-hole and the name of Peter Andre’s aftershave. Not only that, some mobile phones can identify stars in the night sky, download enough media to keep you going for 50 years and vacuum your house (that one’s out soon).

Sorry dogs, but a mobile phone is man’s best friend. Or so they think. Actually gadget-heavy myPhones with all their apps and flaps and stuff are your enemy. Do you really need to know the time in a Russian submarine or check Facespace every two seconds? Do you really need to go through 16 menus just to make a phone call on your mobile PHONE? Of course not.

What you need is a simple mobile phone. And here’s why:

Photo by David Rader II

Avoid anger-management therapy
A simple mobile phone is exactly what it says on the tin: a simple to use mobile phone. Heaven. Some phones need a PHD in computer science to navigate around. The levels of concentration needed just find your mother’s phone number will leave you tearing your hair out in frustration. What’s more as the phone gets older it will become slower and develop a tendency of raising your anger levels that you will resort to throwing the nearest thing out of the window. Get a simple mobile phone and avoid throwing your children out of the window.

 

Photo by epSos .de

Avoid social exclusion
myPhones were invented to keep you busy in your spare time. A brave new world where you can play video games, speak to your friends on myFace and generally be connected. Yeah right. You’ll be so busy with phone-world that you’ll never see a soul. Get a simple mobile phone and you’ll have more friends.

 

Photo by nick p

Avoid depression
Ever spent a few hours on the Internet and felt quite down? Well if you have a myPhone, you can guarantee when you’re not on the Internet, you’ll be logged into your phone. Meaning, after 12 hours a day of being zoned into a machine, your energy and happiness will drain away and leave you feeling rather depressed. What’s more you won’t be able to call anybody as you can’t find their number on your myPhone. Get a simple mobile phone and reach out.

Photo by Lluís Andreu Oliver Obrador

Time. Lots more time!
Just think of all that free time you’ll have when you’re not messing about with useless information and apps that just fill up your brain with crap you don’t need.
Join a gym, write a book or have a baby or something. You could even just smoke a pipe all day. The options are endless when you have time and you have time with a simple mobile phone.

 

 

Photo by Greg Jordan

Look and feel young.
Looking at a small flashing screen for hours will frazzle your brain, strain your eyes and make you quite snappy and irritable. You’ll feel like a grumpy old pensioner and look like one too. Get a simple mobile phone and experience a relaxed state. Your eyes will sparkle, your brain will be fresh and responsive and you’ll feel all sprightly and fresh. Ahhhh …